Where Have I Been??

I'm sure many of you out there are wondering where I've been as I left rather abruptly with no explanation at all. At first I thought I would just write a short post stating I'd had a personal emergency but in the interest of honesty (as I've always been fairly open on this blog) I am going to tell you the truth.

Last Sunday I realized I hadn't slept since Thursday. I was having severe panic attacks and feeling extremely depressed. I woke my husband and told him the medicines my doctor gave me to try and fix these issues were not working. I wasn't feeling right and needed to go to the ER right away. He was supportive and took me there to see a doctor as quickly as possible.

I was admitted to the mental health unit where I've spent the past 6 days. I am home now and doing much much better. It wasn't easy for me to go, and I didn't want to be there at first. But after a day or two I realized these people were there to help me and I opened up. I talked to anyone who would listen, and I went to all the therapy sessions. I actively became involved in choosing the right medications for myself and the result is.... I can honestly say I haven't felt this good in years.

I hadn't realized how bad things had gotten until I woke up on Wednesday and actually wanted to get out of bed. I felt good. I got up and took a shower, and even ate breakfast. These are all things I've been struggling with for a while now.

Although I didn't want to go at first,sometimes the Lord knows what he's doing when he doesn't answer our prayers. I am so thankful I was able to go there, and get the help I needed. It wasn't easy to admit I needed help but I'm glad I did. I feel like myself again, and it's an amazing feeling.

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Fair Warning and Crib Update

I want to thank everyone for the support and help in passing around the info about my crib and the manufacturer not helping out. It has been wonderful. I guess no one should mess with a group of Mommy Bloggers huh?! Thanks ladies!! Today I officially filed a complaint with the BBB and we will go from there. I gave the manufacturing company several chances to fix the problem and they would not. So I moved on to the next step.

Also-
I normally try to do a fair balance of reviews/giveaways and normal posts on my blog. I do not have intentions of turning my blog into a review or giveaway blog only. I like writing about my life, and I like writing about current events etc. However, due to our move, and my side tracked mind with fighting with the crib company I have several products waiting. In the next few days most if not all of my posts will be reviews and or giveaways. Please be understanding, and know that I will be back to blogging as normal after I get these done.

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Busy Body Book Winner!

The winner of the product of your choice for the Busy Body giveaway is........

Comment number 124

Ryan, Corrie, and Max, November 19, 2009 1:46 PM 124

I follow BBB on Twitter!

mrandmrsryankolbe @ gmail.com

I will be emailing you tomorrow to get your info and pass it along to BBB. Congrats!


On a side note- PLEASE continue to pass around my post about the crib. LaJobi (the manufacturer) is now claiming this is not a manufacturing mistake and only wants to replace the front rail and the back rail, leaving the sides which are also splintering.

Help me get the word out. Post that post wherever you can. PLEASE!!

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Why I'm Awake at 4am

For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter, you don't know about my son's crib issues. The slats on his crib are splintering off and have been CUTTING him. (I cannot even begin to think about what would've happened if he'd SWALLOWED a piece of this wood. It was very very sharp.) I didn't realize what was going on until I got a 1 inch piece of the crib stuck in my own finger. Then I started inspecting and realized the whole crib was doing this. I am very upset over it.

The crib was manufactured by LaJobi and so far they have sort of been giving me the run around. I emailed them with pictures attached and they emailed back asking for pictures. Did they not read my first email?? Now that I've sent pictures, they are asking for me to FAX a copy of my receipt to them. I do not have a receipt. We just moved first of all and 2nd of all the crib was a gift. I don't know about you but when I move I throw things away, and I'm not entirely sure I ever even had a receipt to begin with. (Let alone a FAX machine in my house to send it to them!)

So I'm not sure where we stand at this point. I am going to fight this to the bitter end. I want a new crib and I do NOT want the same model. Why would I want something the same if it's what hurt my child? They have no idea who they are dealing with if they think I'm just going to roll over and give up.

The reason I'm awake is because my son hates sleeping in his pack n play which is all we have for him right now. He is screaming and crying and there is nothing I can do for him. I'm almost at my own breaking point. Would it be acceptable for me to scream and cry with him?

Here are the pictures of the damage:



The large chunk missing here is the one I took out of my hand.

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Wordless Wednesday

I haven't done one in a while. Here are some new pictures of Josiah. (and a vintage Josiah picture just for fun!)

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It's Time To Speak Up

Over the past week several of my friends have mentioned they are having anxiety and or depression issues. Every time we talk it's like it's a big secret. A taboo topic and no one wants to admit they need some support or help. Depression and anxiety have become a health condition akin to a sexually transmitted infection. You don't tell people about them, and you don't tell people you are taking an anti depressant.

I'm here to say it is NOT an embarrassing thing to have to take an anti depressant. It's ok to talk to your doctor if you are having a hard time. It's ok to take the medication. You would take the medicine your doctor gave you if you broke your arm, wouldn't you? Of course you would! This is no different.

So, after talking to my friends both of the bloggy nature and real life nature I have decided to blog about this topic. I am currently taking Zoloft and Klonopin. I am STRESSED to the max. The money issues, Josiahs medical issues, not having family close by to help us, no time for hubby and me, no ME time. It's all just gotten to me. Over a year of dealing with people calling us, showing up at our door, sending nasty letters. It's just too much for one person to handle. I needed help and I got it.

You know what? I've only been on the medications for about a week and I'm already a better mother to Josiah. I'm still shorter on patience than I want to be, but I am starting to feel happy and normal again. I'm not grinding my teeth, having chest pains, panic attacks or yelling at my husband for saying "hi" in the wrong tone.

If you need help, please talk to someone. It's ok. You'll be glad you did. I will also be seeing a counselor soon to supplement my medications. I think the combination of medications and counseling is important but that is my opinion. Either way the point of this post is this- (and I'm going to type in all caps to get it across)

DEPRESSION IS NOT A SOCIAL DISEASE AND YOU DON'T NEED TO HIDE IT. ASK FOR HELP. Please.

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Cloth Diapering So Far

Well we've been using cloth part time (I'm hoping to get up to full time) for about a month now and I have to say I am LOVING it. It's so much fun to see his little fluff butt walking around. I love it so much that I'll admit I usually just let him run around in his diaper. He's a warm baby anyway and he hates clothes so he seems happy to be diaper clad with an occasional pair of baby legs to keep him warm. I thought I'd share some "in action" pictures as a preview to the diaper event I'll be having in December.

Stay tuned for an entire month of reviews, features and giveaways all related to cloth diapering!!

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Busy Body Book Review and Giveaway

Well what can I say? It's time for another great review and giveaway. Let me just say- I have given this one a run for it's money. I have been testing it out since the end of September and my honest opinion is- I love it.

What is it? It's the Busy Body Book family organizer. Ladies this thing is like a normal planner on 10 Red Bulls and a cup of coffee. Everything I found annoying about a "regular" planner are fixed in this organizer.

To start off, the organizer goes week by week, and has FIVE columns to schedule. That means you can put one kid's info in one column, another in the next, yours in there too, and have a space for your blog! (I need an organizer to keep track of what I'm blogging about. Lol) This thing has really helped me get ready for my upcoming cloth diaper event in December. I would've been lost without it.

Not only are there the 5 slots to pencil in activities, there is also a to do list for each week as well. I use it as a grocery/meal planner but it could serve any purpose you need it to. All in all- It's a great thing.

As with all of my reviews I am always honest. I tried to find things that may not be super awesome about the Busy Body Book. I let my toddler play with it but it survived with flying colors. It's durable! The only thing I might mention that is if you carry a smaller purse your Busy Body Book may not fit in it. It does fit in mine which is a medium sized purse which also holds diapers and baby related items.

This is a great organizer and one lucky reader is going to have the chance to get a Busy Body product of their very own. They also have wall calendars, and a magnetic calendar with 7 slots instead of five. So you mamas out there with lots of kiddos can use Busy Body products too!

Here's the info:

Mandatory Entry (No other entries will count without doing this one first!!):

Visit Busy Body Books and tell me which item you would get if you win.

Extra Entries: (Don't forget to leave a comment for EACH entry you do, and make sure you leave an email for me to contact you!)

- Follow my blog publicly. (I'm going to make this worth 2 entries this time!)
- Follow me on Twitter.
- Follow Busy Body Books on Twitter.
- Tweet this giveaway with this message: Win an item of your choice from @busybodybooks and @ashhan at Confessions of a First Time Mom! http://bit.ly/3MqKpJ (Can be done once per day)
- Become a Facebook Fan of my blog. (2 entries!)

Giveaway will end on 11/19 at 10:00 pm CST. Good luck to everyone!


Annnddd here's the disclaimer:

I was provided a Busy Body Book for the purpose of writing this review. I was not paid to provide a positive review, and all statements made by me are my own feelings.

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A Year Makes All The Difference!

I was looking around at some of my older posts and I realized something about today. Exactly one year ago today Josiah had his surgery. I have mixed feelings in realizing this anniversary.

Obviously I am amazed and thankful for the healthy wonderful little boy that brightens our lives today. Looking at him now you would absolutely never know that this time last year he was still wearing preemie clothes because even newborn stuff was too big. His little body was nothing more than skin and bones. The gaunt cheeks have been replaced by chubby kissable pinchable pudgy cheeks. (I love his cheeks!)

I do feel a little sad thinking back on this day. It was such a nerve wracking and emotional time for us. Sometimes I still have a hard time letting it all go. I have to make an effort to take a moment and say a prayer of praise to the Lord for our son's health. The Lord heard our prayers and answered them with a healthy baby.

Josiah is every bit the "normal" 15 month old little boy. He loves collecting rocks and sticks as he toddles out to the van. He is fascinated by any bug he finds on the sidewalk. He loves other babies, and is such a flirt when we are out in public. He giggles and coos at anyone who will look at him. He knows he's cute. Lol.

A year ago today, our lives were so different. I am tearing up just thinking about how blessed we are to have Josiah. He's such a little miracle. He gives us a run for our money some days, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. His smile and giggle melt my heart. How blessed does one mother deserve to be? For sure I have gotten far more than I could ever possibly earn. Praise the Lord for our little boy. He is a true gift from God.

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What I'll Do Differently Next Time

So my good bloggy friend Future Mama over at her blog Baby Makin(g) Machine just recently announced she is expecting her first baby. I'm so excited for her!

As we have been talking over the past few weeks I have found myself thinking of all the things I will do differently for the next baby. There are a lot of things I probably won't change. I'm very much a "learn as you go" type of person, but there are some things I will have on hand
for next time. There are some things I will do differently that I wish I'd known before I had Josiah. I really think these things would've made my life as a new mom a little easier.

The first thing is already sort of said and done. When I was pregnant I sort of thought the Arms Reach Co-sleeper was silly. When I brought my baby home from the hospital I couldn't stand having him even in his bassinet. My arm would fall asleep because I'd have it draped over the side to feel him breathing. After a few months we bought the Arms Reach and I'll n ever look back! I loooovvveee my Arms Reach Co-Sleeper (and no I'm not getting paid to say that !) If I'd had it as a brand new mom I would've saved myself many a sleepless night by having my baby right there at my level in his own little safe spot.

I will be buying a moses basket. This is another one that seemed silly to me while pregnant. However, after realizing I much prefer having my baby near me while napping (as a small infant at least) I definitely see why a moses basket is handy to have. I'll be able to put my newborn in their own little mobile comfy bed during the day. Easier for me to see, and comfy for baby.

As far as labor and delivery go, I will be getting a doula next time. This is a big one for me to make sure I have for our next baby. My husband was so great during labor and delivery. He stayed with me and cheered me on. He listened to me whine and he held my hand during the epidural. (By the way- I LOVED my epidural. I'll be getting that again. Lol) However, after delivery he was almost as exhausted as I was. It's emotional and tiring for the dad as well and I didn't realize that until I'd had Josiah. A doula will allow my husband the chance to take care of himself during labor as well. Of course he will still be helping me, but he won't feel that he can't go get a cup of coffee. If he has the chance to care for himself he can come back refreshed and ready to keep on going. He will also be ready to help out as much as possible after delivery, allowing me a tiny bit more rest. So... doula? Heck yes!

And finally- Next time, I won't be saying "I'll never do (fill in the blank) with MY child!" I said this a lot while pregnant. "I'll never co-sleep" Yeah... Josiah slept in our bed a lot as a newborn. "I'll never bottle feed." Yeah... Josiah couldn't nurse. Oh well! Next time, I'm dropping the I'll nevers to cut myself some slack. I've learned parenting isn't what it looks like from the outside. You just don't know what you'll do until you're in the situation. SO, no more "I'll nevers" from me!

Are there things you want to change for next time? If you're done, are there things you did differently that you're glad you changed??

If you haven't already, I really suggest checking out Future Mama's blog. It's going to be so fun to read about her pregnancy journey. I can't wait!

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